I've regretted that five minutes away without shutting the door. It could have been prevented if it wasn't that careless act, a single act of shutting the door tight could have still made her alive. It wasn't till now I realized how terrifying is to losing her. I've always tried to imagine the worst, to protect her away from any evil-doing, from any chances of getting into danger, any risk that I might lose her. In the end, I couldn't protect her. It was just a short moment, and she was gone. I knew that there was the risk, still I can't do the act of shutting the door. I can still feel her fear when she struggled for her last breath in my arms, it was as if she was begging for my help but I was too weak, too little compared to the death that was overwhelming. For once I hated myself not to teach her to fear of the strong, instead leaving her to keep fighting against the strong. I hope the I could have teach her to be coward, to flee against all danger and be timid to seek for my protection. She is always the stubborn one, likes too much to act strong. Bad-tempered but cute at the same time, the typical tsundere type. She likes to wander around my legs, licking my feet and ask for patting. People said rabbit don't make sound, but Zizi does. When she was quite small, she went across to the neighbour's garden, which I was nervous and caught her on her leg too harshly, she squeaked, like the sound of crying baby. Only once I had heard that sound, later on, she started making the sound like pig snort, similar but not the same, whenever she is not happy. Sometimes when she refused to go back to cage or come out of the cage, or when patting her backside, she used to make that sound. I hope that I could have record it down... She gets furious easily, and was ill-tempered to all other creatures. Sometimes I think that she is not aware that she is a rabbit but is on the same level as me.
For five years, she was with me. I bought her on November 2008 from a friend, at that time she was only 1-month old, just a handful size. Always healthy since then until last september, when she had blood urine issue, I went to the vet for some injection. I only knew that rabbits usually have a average 8 -years of life span. I was shocked as 8 years was too short, and I have like only 3 years left for Zizi. It was a tragic now that she can't even live up to that 8 years.... and I hope that I could have given her the best life that I could, to let her grow old and die in peace.. and not fears and regrets... I could have be a better Master, fulfill her short life with a better world better life better way of living. Nothing could have been done now and I hope that she could still be here with me. If I could just see, I wish I can still hold her in my arms and pat her again and hug her to sleep. I hope once that life isnt how it was, life is too fragile, a glimpse of eyes and she's gone. I wish i could have the ability to save her, not to watch her die slowly in hopeless. I wish that she can still be with me.
I wish that I could have been better in English, to write her a poem, a better speech, used better words. I love you, Zizi, and will always do. God bless you in heaven and hope we could have meet again, someday somewhere in any form. I'll always miss you.
